spooning

the past two days have been pure hell.
swollen eyes. claws scratching against
the walls of my uterus. food coming up
as soon as it goes down. i feel weak.
my head keeps spinning. my teeth grind
against each other. hands clutch at nothing.
just reaching for anything to help me. i feel
useless. a prisoner in this shell that i call
a body. i feel so vulnerable. so... so scared.

i move to sit up but a sharp pain stops me.
i want to drink water but my throat is too
sore from all the throwing up. this is so
pathetic. i'm pathetic...


hands no bigger then my own gently pull me closer.
arms will me to sleep with a slow and steady movement.
breath against the back of my neck feels cold yet comforting.
that familiar smell fills my lungs. brings me back to earth.
makes me remember that i wasn't alone. she was always
with me. keeping me safe from other people and making
sure that i was safe from my self. she held my hair when i
threw up washed me in the showers upstairs. clothed me.
helped me sleep.


my savior. my guardian angel. my bestfriend. my one true love...