lo said she was gonna spend the whole day with me
an i got all dressed up real nice like. i put on my favorite
dress an' lina curled my hair real pretty an' an' i sat on
the couch smilin' crazier than somuh the cartoons on
tv an' i waited. lina didn't like it though. she told me to
call her if i got scared or summ'n cause lo likes tuh
bring me 'round bad men an' lina knows what happened.
lina knows what happened when mama left me alone
with her friend and when loli left me with her friend. i
don't want that again. i don't like that feelin' an' i was
scared but i stayed. i waited for her righ' there. right
on the couch cause she said she was gonna take me
out an i was just gonna watch tv until she got ready.
the bell rings.
i can see its a
man through the
window an' i don't
wanna open it so i
just stand real close
tuh the door an' i wait.
he'll go away if ain't nobody to answer the door.
he can't see me. he don't know i'm there an' lo's
up stairs. she ain't gonna answer it neither but he
keeps ringin the bell. an ringing the bell an ringin..
an here comes lo. tshirt an panties an the door
opens an he comes inside an they go up stairs.
i wait. wait for lina tuh come home. wait for lo
tuh tell that man to leave. wait for somethin'
tuh save me. an they start makin noise upstairs
an i cover my ears cause that's what lina told
me tuh do an i wait some more. they didn't even
close the door. lo didn't even care that i was there
an' she didn't want to take me out no more cause
she got new company an i just left. i walked down
the street 'til my feet hurt an my face got all wet
from cryin. but there was music an i just walked
towards it an there was the carnival. bright lights
an' people smilin an rides an animals. lo didn't take
me out but i was gonna take myself out an' have my
own fun.
elephant ears. cotton candy. pony rides. corn dogs.
cheesy fries. corn. turkey legs. clowns. face painters.
i got mah face painted right away! i love rabbits an
she painted me up just like one. even gave me the
ears an' lina gave me money fer tuhday an i paid
the lady for it an' she smiled real nice an told me
no. people at the carnival are real nice, you know.
she made me feel real happy cause lolita didn't
take me out tuhday but i got my face painted up
real nice for free! an then a clown gave me paper
flowers an he said i looked real nice an then i saw
the games. last year, lina took me here an she won
me a reeeeally big bunny. an i named her minnie an
i wanna win one his time for mahself. so i get all
excited an run over but i dint watch where i was goin
an i ran right into these two boys an we fell.
i cut my knee on somethin. my arm hurts an i think i was
layin on one uh them. he was way smaller than the other one
an i was real sorry but i couldn't say nothin. my mouth wasn't
workin. cause i was scared. they might make funna me an
some people were already laughin. so i stood up an i looked
down at mah shoes an i just waited til they got up.
"I'm real sorry. I didn't mean to."
mah knee was hurtin. my heart was hurtin
an' i just looked at the ground cause i didn't
wanna see their faces in case they got mad
an there was a lady with them an i seen her
around an i didn't wanna sound stupid so i just
said 'i'm sorry' and 'excuse me' cause that's what's
right tuh do. i know i got dirt on mah face or sumthin
and i know i got to do somethin tuh make up for it.
mah cotton candy is still in my bag an' i hold it out
to the lady. smiling cause i know she won't be mad
if i smile some.
"Here, I'll give you mah cotton
candy cause that's how sorry I am."
i've seen them around at the park and near the lake sometimes.
but we ain't friends or nothin. i remember the ladies eyes. they're
bluer than the sky i think. or maybe just the same kind. an shes
real pretty an the boy i fell on must be her boy cause hes got the
same eyes.
i needa watch where i'm goin.
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