ava's worry

i've only been scared two times in my entire life. the first time was when i thought i was gonna be a momma and the second was right now.
i pulled up to the house we're rentin' out and the first thang i notice is the fact that the front door is open. now normally i ain't one t' be paranoid er nothin' but when you got a mentally challenged girl in the house you don' jus' think its all good an dandy. you run your ass on in and you locate 'er first before you check anywhere else in the house. there's shit everywhere. couch pillows on the floor, empty beer bottles, cigarette buds, dirty plates. nah i know this ain't her work 'cause she knows i like myself a clean house but i keep goin.

SHE AIN'T IN THE KITCHEN. AIN'T IN THE LIVIN' ROOM. AIN'T ON THE BACK PORCH.
THE BATHROOM. THE PATEO. THE CLOSET. THE ATTIC. THE BASEMENT. THE GAREN
OUT BACK.

i'm tellin you. she ain't no where t' be seen and that's when i start to panic.
my hearts starts racing, skins gettin' cold, and i swear i'm breakin' out into
a sweat. heads in my hands and i keep tryna think o' somethin. she ain't
one t' leave when someone's home an' i know someones home i told....

there's a knockin up stairs. gigglin. some more knockin.
the bloods boilin in mah veins and i swear i'm seeing red.
flyin up the stairs like i got rockets under mah heels. i'm
gon' kill this girl. i'm gon' kill 'er, i' gon' kill 'er, i'm gon kill 'er.
an ima shoot the bastard that's up stairs. she was 'spose t'
be watchin Ava an she knows damn well that the girl gets
bored... i shoulda taken her t' work with me. i coulda had
her fold towels and made her one uh them pink pops
she likes so much. i can see 'er walkin down the street
in mah head. cars drivin past an she just gets in with
anyone cause she don't know no better. i mean she
ain't stupid but sawyer ain't big an if she seen them
at the bar she ain't gone think nothin of it.

this girl better pray for a miracle cause i'm gonna
whoop her ass so bad her god damn momma's
gonna feel it in 'er grave!

"Lo! LOOOOOOO! you skanky ass little girl.
Open this door before I kick it down an' I
mean it I will."

i can hear her shushin somebody. gigglin and moanin.
how the fuck could she do that? how could she do that
to her own flesh an blood? i'm gonna kill 'er. i swear ain't
nobody gonna stop me from chokin this little bitch. god himself
ain't gonna be able to pry my hands from 'round her skinny little
neck.

"I ain't gon' ask agin, Lolita. I'm only gonna
count t' four an' if this shit ain't open i swear!"

ONE. smoke should be comin outta mah nose an' ears by now.
TWO. my eyes are burnin' i can feel me tearin' up. an i hate cryin. i jus wanna kick somethin'.
THREE. my shoulders heevin' up 'n down an' i know she ain't gonna open it.
FOUR. fists clenched so tight i can feel the blood beneath y skin close t' comin' out.

i ain't countin t' five the stupid bitch.
ain't gotta do much. one swift kick
blew the door open an' i came in
ready fer murder.

"Stay."

the dumbass she's been fuckin prolly all afternoon ain't movin.
i know he can see the devil floatin up just beneath the surface
of mah skin an' i know she can see it too. i ain't thinkin none.
draggin her off the bed by her arm while she protests. askin'
me who i think i am. tellin me i ain't her momma. shes damn
right too. the whoppin i got in mah head ain't nothin her momma
even thought up. i pull 'er to the stairs where you can see the
damn couch.

"What do yuh see, Lolita? What the fuck o you see?"

"Nothin, Lee. Now let go uh mah arm. You're hurtin me.
Actin' all crazy in fronna mah guest."

"That's right girl. Ain't nothin on the couch.
Ain't no one in the kitchen or in the back
yard an' ain't no one anywhere else in
here."

she's lookin at me all crazy an' i ain't lettin go of her arm none.
i wan' her t' see what she done gone an' did an' it don't take her
long. shakin herself free she runs down the stairs an' i watch her
goin' everywhere like a chicken without a head. stupid ass girl.
she keeps callin out her name an lookin everywhere but i don't
got no time for that. i hit the bottom of the stairs an' here she comes
t' ask me a dumbass question.

"I let her right here an' I told her t' watch tv some while I went upstairs with what's his face. I
told her to cover her ears if she heard something like screamin an' that it was okay. I swear
Lina. I ain't think she was gonna go out the front door or somethin. You gotta find her Lina.
If momma was here she'd kill me I swear. I'd be dead."

yeah... now she wants to worry. she wasn't worryin'
much when her ass was high up in the air. she
wasn't thinkin about her. but i don't know why i'm
surprised. Lo ain't never cared until it was too late.
an that's why i took over. i got tired of seein' ava get
hurt. an here we are again. an just as i think my
temper is startin' to leave the reason she wasn't
payin' no attention t' ava comes down the stairs
an' i lose it. punch that asshole right between the
eyes an watch him fall. watch the first bits of blood
fall from his nose while his eyes roll back an' Lo
falls t' the floor hollerin' bout his face.

dumb broad. i ain't stickin around. i'm gonna go look
fer my best friend an' i pray to whoever the fuck floats
around in the sky that she ain't in no kinda trouble.
first stop is the center, then the park, and then the
carnival an' she better be at one cause if she ain't i'm
gonna kill Lo. chop 'er tits off an' put 'em on the front lawn
as a warnin' to trespassers. lina don't play that shit.