her monroe

tongue twisting, mind numbing, palm
moistening, stomach churning, temperature
rising, heart racing, fleeting glances, shifty
feet, summer's heat....

love.
love.
love.

so many use this word in vain. i'd spent my entire life searching for it.
and since the days of my childhood i'd been afraid to even breathe it
for fear of being burned by it's embrace. of being tossed aside like
yesterdays trash the second i opened my heart to another. but here i
was. knocking on the door of all that i'd been hiding from since i was
turned. engaged for the second time in all my life and i thought i'd given
up on such childish things. living happily ever after never will go quite
well with those who eat the life force of another as a means of survival.
sitting on beside him with my nails gently running up and down his
palm and my fingers playing along his wrist i want more than anything
in the world for that happily ever after.

i want to be able to love him without holding back.
i want to be able to taste him every so often.
i want him to taste me in more than just one way.
i want him to know what its like to feel my own
personal fire dance along his skin.
i want him to be able to feel me coming towards
him long before i've even entered the room.

its not enough to be able to enter into his dreams whenever i please and its
too dangerous for me to have him around my real home unless he knows. i
need him to trust me more than he already does and i need him to really and
truly accept me for who i am as a whole and not just who i've allowed him to
see for the past two years. see, i knew i'd love him from the first time i held
his hand in my own. his skin is so soft and inviting. blood so alive and warm.
his strength was quiet. he held me as if he was afraid i would break and for
the first time in all my years of afterlife, i felt like a feather.

a feather.
floating along on his gentle breeze.
carried away on the small breaths we share between passionate kisses.
dipping and diving along with the strong beat of his heart.

my hand grasps his. holding tightly as if i might not be able to do this again.
the diamond shines brightly even at this time of night. a beautiful reminder of
what needs to be said before we dock but its still early. dinner is served.

"Do you like it? I asked Samuelle to cook this especially for tonight."

everything was sweet. just like my monroe.
my lips curve into a small smile the second
our eyes meet. this. this is what i love about
him.


every touch
every glance
every kiss
every smile
every breath

feels new when we're together.

i have to clear my throat between taking small bites
of the meal before i can pull my eyes away from him.
i excuse myself. nodding towards the girls and smooth
my dress out around me. there's a moment before i head
for the bathroom where i stop at the edge of the hallway
and stare. i did all of this for him. for him to see how much
he means to me. i'm wearing his favorite perfume, my hairs
in an artfully messy bun, and i made the chef serve everything
we ate on our first real dinner date. i'll cry for days if he doesn't
accept me. i'll never eat and i'll allow myself to fade without him.


without him.
there is no such option.
and as i go into the bathroom,
and stand after getting rid of
the human food, i stare deep
into the eyes of the person in
the mirror. i'm scared. terrified.
i just know he'll be afraid and
that he'll never want to see me
again like every love before him.

my legs feel heavy when i move back to the table.
my head rests lightly on his shoulder. desserts
here. but i never eat dessert. instead i put on a
happy face and continue to play hostess.

"Before you all dig into your Napoleons. I propose a toast.
A toast to love and forever afters and acceptance. I wish
all of you the best in life and to you, my love. I couldn't have
wished for a better husband. On all the stars in the sky, I
pray that I'll be with you for as long as possible. Forever,
infinity, and far beyond that. Ti amo, caro mio, Ti amo."

the kiss that follows isn't as long as i'd like it but
i don't want to cry before we've even started settling
down. there are still songs to be danced to. gifts to
be shared and drinks to be drunk. my lips leave his
and i turn to my favorite girls prepared for anything
really. i know they know i'm still scared but i'll be
damned if monroe can tell.

"Come one then! Lets eat up. I wanna dance already!"