gwenyth's tale..

It was quiet today as the sun slowly crept its way to the center of the sky. Twelve noon. Only the sound of shuffling feet and few birds flying around could be heard. It was probably the first time that they'd come out since everything had gone to hell. Living in this place the first thing you learn is to never trust the government and its scientists. They like toying with other peoples lives so long as they get a good pay check. Denver, Colorado was no exception to the rule. The people at Waverly & Co. had come up with a way to finally rid the human race of AIDS. They believed that their miracle drug, Dianysis, could cure anyone of AIDS for as long as they continued usage. Not to mention that the drug helped build up peoples immune systems to unbelievable heights. For the first seven months after the drug was given out on the streets everything seemed to go quite well. Those who had suffered for years and years finally knew what it was like to go back to being an average everyday person. Dianysis gave them the ability to live their lives as they had always wanted to before they were diagnosed. Doctor Richard Waverly had found a way to play god. But even if the greater population of America's youth refused to believe in the “man above,” mother nature was about to show them what happens to those who open that certain can of worms.

It was now 12:35pm in the Dillinger house hold and Everett Dillinger was setting the garbage cans out towards the road. He didn't even notice the fact that his wife, Maggie, had changed a little in the past few days or so. After she'd started taking Dianysis everything had finally began to work in the house hold. Her skin had started sprouting odd patches of gray here and there. She'd get tired often and Everett would once again have to explain to his daughters that they'd have to give up their privileges and come back home to help him out with their mother. But even with both Tessa and Gwenyth back at the house things still didn't improve. Her condition had only gotten worse. As a husband and father, all he could do was make his wife's last days as comfortable as possible. He could see her getting weaker and had already prepared himself to say goodbye. Yet nothing could prepare Everett for what happened next. Just as he pulled the recycling bin out to the front of the road a scream ripped through the house. With its high soprano he easily picked it out as Tessa. Without a moment to lose he raced into the house only to find Maggie, affectionate mother of his children and caring wife, with her face buried in his daughters neck. What was a father to do? 

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Gwenyth Dillinger had always been the only daughter of the Dillinger two who had actually been able to play the role of both caretaker and son. She'd often gone to the shooting range with her father and even helped him when it came to hunting season. The girl even had her own collection of guns. At 21 she was in her last year of college and preparing to follow in her fathers foot steps and become a marshall. But she had to put that all on hold for a few months while she helped her father care for her sick mother. Being the realist that she was Gwen had expected that stupid drug to fail out on them but she'd let her father have his false sense of hope in it. When Maggie started to get worse Gwen had to fight the urge to tell her father “I told you so.” She simply let things flow as they would and waited for her mother to die. But even years of waiting to walk into her parents bedroom to find her mother without a pulse hadn't prepared her for what was down stairs. Tessa's scream had startled her from her sleep so much so that she fell off of her bed. Her mind couldn't make sense of it all. What on Earth would make her older sister scream that way? Without even thinking about it, Gwen slipped a hand under her pillow to pull her last Christmas present out from under it. The Kimber fit nicely in her small hands as she slowly stood and headed towards the stairs. 

The only sounds to be heard below were the snapping of teeth and the wet sound of ripping flesh. Gwen stopped at the bottom of the stairway to find the front door open. Outside there were people running this way and that but it didn't make sense. What the fuck was going on?! She rounded the stairs and with her gun aimed finally entered the living room where it seemed the real horror had unfolded. Tessa with her lithe figure lay motionless, eyes staring blindly at the roof, in a puddle of her own blood. “Tess?” Gwen murmured weakly as she took it all in. But she couldn't simply kneel near her sister just yet. She needed to find her parents first. It wasn't hard to find Maggie either. Once Gwen moved towards the couch she could see the top of her mothers head bobbing up and down as if she were trying to pull something with her teeth. “Mom?” No answer. “Mom whats going on and wheres Da-” As soon as Gwen moved to where she could see her mother she found her father. His six foot frame was curled in upon itself like a fetus. He was still breathing while her mother pulled pieces of his innards into her mouth. The first few tears started to well up in Gwen's eyes as she took it all in. How could this have happened? How could she have let this happen? While Gwen tried to pull it all together her mother finally looked up. The look in her eyes was completely feral like Maggie wasn't in there at all. Her mother's once blue eyes were now glazed over with a thick film of white. She stood with a piece of her husband in one hand and slowly crept toward Gwen. 

“Stay back Mom.” Gwenyth's voice was barely a whisper as she continued, “I don't want to shoot you... please.” But all of her pleading was in vain. The creature that was now her mother made a lunge at her but Gwen was faster than that. Automatically she let off a round right into her mothers head. Terrified with both herself and the scene that was going on she ran from the living room with her gun in a death grip. More of those things were making their way into her house just as she was almost near the top of the stairs. These didn't hesitate like her mother. They ran up the stairs after her like clumsy beasts. The only place she could think to run to was her fathers trophy room. Instinct directed her into the room and quickly she closed the door and blocked it with one of her fathers heavy chairs. It wouldn't hold for long she knew but it would hold in just enough time for her to stock up on some more guns and climb out the window. She did just that. Sure enough, they burst through the doorway just as she slipped out the window and onto the roof. The sight below was absolutely terrifying. People were running everywhere with those things running right behind them. Gwen could still hear the sound of her sisters scream ringing in her ears. But she blocked it all out. Not right now, not right now. She climbed down the side of the roof all in due time. Finally making it to her car and hauling ass out of her neighborhood. While she watched the people she'd spent most of her life around get killed by the people who were supposed to protect them. She had no idea where she was going either all she knew was that she had to get out of there. 

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Three months later and Gwen was in a different car riding along the streets of Denver and trying to find supplies. She looked out the windows of the van with one of her many rifles sitting in her lap. For such a small woman she sure made up for it in both knowledge and weaponry. In Gwenyth's case looks can most definitely be deceiving. At 22 she still hadn't lost the softness around her face that labeled most as underage. Her baby blue's were big and lined with thick brown lashes. Even her hair with its natural brown waves seemed to shape her into a soft creature of inside jokes and late night nail polishing. Being five feet exactly didn't help to give you a clue as to her age either. She would look like a sixteen year old probably her entire life. But that was exactly what motivated her to be something more. Gwenyth had always been the girl who was surrounded by boys for reasons like motor cross racing and Sunday football fests. She was that girl that most guys considered their sister. Yet Gwen still managed to be cute. A beautiful girl that made men want to shake her hand rather than ogle her breasts? Now that is a first. But she'd earned their respect and fought for the right to be treated equal. Her strength showed in the way she sat up straight with her eyes fixed on the world around her even though she'd lost her entire family. This new group of people was now her family. And she wouldn't let them down like she'd done her real one.

“How long 'til we reach the shopping center?” She asked no one in particular. Gwen simply expected someone to answer. It was clear from the silence in the van that everyone was tired. But they needed to get this done before nightfall or they would really be in deep trouble. The “Boagies” as she called the zombies came out more at night than in the day. Something about the sun seemed to slow them all down but once it set it was like a whole new ball game. Of course the group had plenty of time to get to the shopping center and get back. But Gwen wanted to get back early so that they could secure the area before they settled in for the night. The apartment building that they temporarily called home needed to last them a few more days before they were ready to start heading towards Alaska. There was supposed to be a colony of survivors there. Something about the cold killing the creatures long before they even reached the camp. Gwen was a little suspicious but it was better than sitting like ducks waiting for the wolves to finally pick them off. The group had originally started of as ten and now there was only six left. Gwen only really cared for three but either way, she owed it to herself to protect as many as she could for as long as she could. 

With no ones answer she figured that she hadn't spoken loud enough so she asked her question again. But this time she turned in her seat so that she was facing the man beside her who everyone had voted as leader of their little group. “How long 'til we reach there?”

don't cry i'll bring this home to you..

limbo.

constantly rejecting my affection.
head up your ass.
head up your ass.
head up your ass.
head up your...
confusion.
convenience.
to feel when told.
scolded when unwanted.
made to be...
to be everything.
feel everything.
with restrictions.
restrictions...
not now but later.
later. later. later.
but i want now.
i need now.
and you have everything.
you are everything.
and i am.
i'm just.
waiting.

forever suspended.

today i am below sea level. counting the waves of sadness as i use the ocean as my window to the rest of the world. i feel nothing but disappointment keeping me here. i have no motivation, no zest for life and yet i yearn for something more. i'm not sure what just yet.

here comes that feeling again...

you.
a sense of calm in complete chaos.
you make me feel my soul.
you set my heart ablaze.

i have searched for you.
at the bottom of empty bottles.
in the paint of my roof on sleepless nights.
in capsules filled with crystalized colors.

you've saved me.
with arms to help hold my shattered form together.
lips to kiss each wound left by past experience.
eyes to see and accept me in all lights.

i'm still caught off guard by the sight of you sometimes.
my lips tingle. my heart races. my fingers clench and unclench.
i freeze just to hide my excitement.
fight the urge to be already standing when you open the door.
try my best to hide goosebumps as you kiss the side of my neck, hello.

i knew i was going to love you the second i saw you again.
curly hair crazed. smile still infectious. lips i had yet to kiss.
your eyes were still as lovely as i remembered them.
a hasel to both lose and find myself swimming in.
staring into me with a sleepy kind of sadness.
and my heart had already been stepped on one too many times but i wanted you.
i wanted you to be mine. to fill the gaping hole in my chest.
to let me take care of you.
to have you take care of me.

in truth i was scared.
 i still am.

to lose you would mean the end of so many things.
you're the one risk i've ever taken.
and my heart has grown because of it.
i love you doesn't even begin to describe what i feel for you.
but until i find the right words it will have to do.

morning turkey wrap.

spiritually...
spiritually stuck in a place where no one knows my name.
dragged across time not knowing words like certainty and security.
holding tight to nights filled with smoke, clouds, and missed kisses.

i want for nothing.
though my heart says i need everything.
need something solid to stand on instead of this quick sand called life.
i don't need saving though i want to be saved.
i can't handle this but i know deep down i can.
i have all the answers but they're trapped between
the trying to be myself and being someone i can be proud of.

i just need some time.
to think more.
to be alone.
to concoct some sort of plan.

i need to decide whats what with my life.
i have it all saved somewhere.
i just need to find the file labeled mission in life.
it somewhere buried deep behind
the things i want to forget about
and the things i long to remember.

penny

This is evolution.
My meat hangs tighter to my skeleton with every season.
I have learned to adapt, and what has not,
well those parts
are maggot-filled,
schlepped off along the waysides, composting.
My lips have no time to tend to them, again,
they are busy digesting the words my tongue would say
if it owned a body.
- - -

Penelope Rose Alexander.™

Penny was a little too busy with checking her gear to even realize how late it had gotten. But once she followed Josiah out she finally got a good look at the sky. It was nearly pitch black from the last time that she'd checked it and her watch now read 7:15pm. What the fuck have we been doing all this time? She sighed heavily, tapping the barrel of her gun nervously against her cargo pants. She was pulling at the many strings in her head for a solution. These weren't vampires so the UV lamp in the van wouldn't help much. But her goggles would. With that she nodded her head and headed towards the van. Josiah had already positioned himself in the front seat and only Niles was waiting for her before he went inside the van. But she couldn't force herself to move any faster. The bags she carried were a little heavy. She made it though, just before she thought Josiah would go off his rocker, and handed a bag to Niles. She was glad he didn't argue and just took the bag like an obedient puppy. They had a pretty weird friendship, these two. Penny got to speak for and comfort him whenever arguments broke out. While Niles on the other hand allowed the girl to sleep with him whenever she had nightmares and cover her ass when she needed it most. The great white and the sea lion; both dangerous but one more so than the other.

Once she was safely inside the van, Penny automatically went to her post near the wall closest to the drivers seat. She checked her clip. Out of the twelve rounds that her small 9mm held, only three were left.“Fuck, I really need to control myself.” She looked up at Niles as she said it but he was already in position with his rifle resting on his shoulders and his eye looking through the view finder. The only sound he made at her comment was a small grunt which made her giggle slightly. She shook her head and reached inside her bag for a new clip. But instead of pulling out a clip, Penny lifted a pair of night vision goggles. She'd gotten them on one of her many solo raids throughout the city. Which had caused quite a fuss with the marine especially considering the fact that she'd gotten them from a military base. “Put these on,” she said tossing another pair of goggles to Niles. These were heat seeking. Although the bogeys were way past insane. They were anything but dead so she was pretty sure that those goggles would pick up on their body heat. She could already here a few screeches and calls not too far in the distance. They'd really made a stupid mistake about staying out this late. Penny could already hear it now. The marine would surely have a field day about their little excursion. But Penelope was sure that their designated group leader would step in. Especially considering the fact that if anyone would've been qualified to go on a field trip, it would've been Penelope. Her knowledge of weapons and ability to stay calm by all means had earned her that right.

By now Josiah had already hit the road and already Penelope had her hands tied with a few bogeys. Jo's driving wasn't helping either. But she got a few good shots off before she went flying. ”Fuck!... Jojo!.... man!” At this rate she'd have to pray that Niles had everything covered. From what she could see he still had his eyes fixed on the road and seemed to be handling the crazy drive just fine. She really needed to get a grip on things and tighten up. But every time she moved to pick herself up Josiah would make another crazy swerve and she'd slip. She could hear him screaming for help where she was on the floor. But what assistance could she give if he kept swerving like that? Finally, after several determined tries, Penny got herself into a crouched position. She quickly changed the clip in her gun and aimed it at the ceiling. They couldn't have been too far from the apartments now. Scraping noises were coming from the roof loud enough that she could tell something was still holding on. But when she moved to fire into the roof again she was thrown back. This time she went flying through the van and nearly pushed the back door open before Niles grabbed her arm. Thankfully they had reached the apartments but she could tell that they weren't in the clear just yet. Something was in the garage with them. 

“Switch to submachine.” That was all Penny had time to whisper before the back door to the van flew open and she was yanked right out of Niles' grip and onto the garage floor. All she could do was brace for the fall and raise her gun before she was thrown against a wall nearest the van. The impact of the back of her head hitting the wall caused her to see in spots through the goggles that she still had on. It was two quiet now and the only sound that could be heard was the sound of feet shuffling back and forth through the dark. Terrified, she looked from left to right while trying to get herself into a better position up against the wall. “Niles” she whispered glancing back at the open van door. Leaning to the right, she tried to see if she could peer into the van from where she was sitting. With her gun still pointed she called out his name one last time. “Niles.” Movement came from the far right of the van and that's when she realized that she'd made a mistake. They couldn't see in the dark but they could hear. It was like playing a game of Marco Polo. You only needed your ears to find a victim. 

It pounced on her, taking Penelope completely by surprise and causing her to let out a small cry. With its hands the thing had managed to knock her glasses right off of her face. But just as it went to bite her Penny shot two bullets into its arm before she finally got enough room to turn and shoot it right at the base of its neck. The thing cried out in pain but kept coming at her. But just as she went to shoot it in the head, her gun clicked empty. SHIT! She must have mistook the new clip for an older one. As big of a mistake as it was, Penny still had two options: Either try to choke the creature or let go of the thing and try and reach for a knife that she always kept tucked in the side of her boots. Think, think, think. She settled for reaching for her knife with one hand and trying to choke the thing with the other. But the more she reached for it, the closer the creature got to her face and the bigger a chance it was for her to become infected. 

Frantically Penelope pulled at her cargo pants and prayed that this wouldn't be her last night alive. Warm liquid was dripping down the back of her neck and she was pretty sure that it wasn't her own blood. The creature was snapping its teeth just above her ear like a rabid dog who hadn't eaten for ages. One more inch and she finally got a good enough grip on the blade to pull it out. Now the hardest part of all would come. She had to move fast enough to get herself a little out from under the creature before she stabbed it in order to make sure that no fluids made their way into her eyes, ears, or mouth. Penny knew that if she died now, no one would be left to help aid the others. And she couldn't have that. The small girl pushed up against the creatures neck as hard as she could until her head was safely out of harms way. With that she raised her other hand and stabbed at the creatures head with all her might. The darkness in the garage didn't help her see whether or not she'd actually gotten it in at the right angle. But the stillness and silence of the creature as she drove the knife deeper into it let her know that she'd done right. With as much force as she had left to her, Penny pushed the thing off of her and scooted herself a little farther away from it before she finally forced herself to get up and try to reach the van. All she kept thinking was that Niles was dead and probably Josiah was stuck inside the van from the sounds coming from the front of the van. As she stood, Penny was a little wobbly on her feet and the world swam beneath her. She could feel that sooner or later she was going to pass out. “Not yet,” she told herself, “Not yet.”

Grasping blindly in the dark for anything to steady herself, Penelope finally grabbed hold of the van door. She expected to see the limp body of Niles but was greeted with only an empty van. Her eyes grew a little wide at the sudden sound of a scream and scratching coming from the front of the van. Her instincts told her to move cautiously. But the feeling of loss that she felt from not finding her friend was so strong that she reached for one of his shot guns and headed straight for the front of the van. She didn't even care about the fact that there could have been two waiting to take her on. This means war. Squinting in the dark she cocked the forestock back hard against the magazine and whirled to shoot at the creature. But just as she was about to shoot it, the sound of a silencer was heard and the scratching sounds ceased. Staring back at her was Niles with his gun still held at attention. Penelope lowered her gun at the sight of her friend and let the tension in her shoulders ease a bit. She stared blankly at him for a few seconds and then turned her attention back to Josiah. Opening the drivers door she leaned in, unable to support herself any longer. “Why is it that I always end up saving your ass?” That was the last thing she said before the world went completely black and she collapsed against his legs.

- - -
I suppose, if your heart were granite too,
it'd be there peacefully rotting, a thunderous de-composition,
instead of inspiring my off-season spring cleaning
and plucking for de-evolution. 
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